MARRA VS COLD

I really do not want the rain. I don't hate it but I just don't want it that much. Probably because it is always cold when it rains. I hate the feeling of being cold. I am so0o0o0o lamigin to the point that people think that I have hypothyroidism (which I do not). Since I am lamigin like that, at home, my normal outfit (?) would be in my pajamas, jacket over a shirt, socks then sleep without an electric fan. My lola always teases me that I look weird since it is not cold (for them) when I, look like an eskimo (kulang na lang earplugs). HAHA. I also do not like cold water. Ang hirap lunukin. I only have cold drinks if it's milk tea or shake na syempre dapat malamig, c'mon! Pero if it is just water, it should not be cold for me. I am not fond of aircons. I blame the aircons in school kaya ako laging tulog. :P

Errrrrr. I basically love sunshine, sun rays and hot weather. I enjoy the feeling of sun rays in my face kahit minsan masakit na sa mukha. HAHA.


Haaaaay ulan, ginising mo kasi ako.

Isang Paghinga

Can I just breath here?

Ang hirap pala. Mahirap palang ipaintindi sa isang tao ang importansya ng pananampalataya sa Diyos at pagsunod sa Kanyang mga utos.

I was chatting with a friend through Facebook kanina. She told me many things she has done which were (for me) unbelievable. And then I asked her if she prays, attends mass (since she's a Catholic) or reads the Bible. She told me she prays everyday. However, she also told me that she does not believe in the Bible and religion. I told her that religion is not important. Faith in the Lord and obedience to Him are the most important. She said, "ok, thank you."

I had the same mindset as her back then. I thought that when I pray at night, it's all good already. Hinding-hinding-hindi pala.

I do not intend her to change from Catholic to Christian, it is her choice. However, I sincerely would want her to understand that the things we do in life should be according to what the Lord wants. However the body dictates what it likes, we should always be reminded that on top of everything, we should abide in our Creator. This thing for me is not simple. Obedience is a very big word for me. Obedience is very hard to do. Hindi naman ako nagmamalinis, marami rin naman akong kapintasan, kapangitan, kasamaan, pero slowly, I am choosing to let go of every not-so-good thing about me, deal with them so I can faithfully abide in the Lord. He forgives, He just wants us to come to Him, ask for His forgiveness and obey.

She may probably read this kaya I will leave a message to her,

"Friend, I'm sorry for sounding so lecturing and all good, I sincerely just want you to experience how enjoyable it is to be with the Lord. Hindi naman tinitignan ni God ang past natin, ang gusto nya ay ang kasalukuyan at ang hinaharap natin with Him. Let go of every bad things that happened to you in the past. Come to our Father for rest. You may probably say na hindi mo ito kailangan, pero sige, kahit i-try mo lang o, please. The next time we talk, I hope to hear better stories from you. I will pray for you always. Andito lang ako at Siya lagi."

Highlighters, Bananas and Unparalleled Ceiling

When I see unusual (for the lack of a better term or right term) things, I always think that there are meanings to it, or there is something that I should be realizing when I see it. HAHA. I am weird like that.

Examples:















Minsan, may mga bagay na akala natin swak kasi pwede (pwede na). Pero kahit anong pwede pa yan, kung hindi yan nararapat, hindi paren pwede ang pwede.






I tried putting the cover of my highlighter without looking. Pilit ako nang pilit. Ang tagal ko. Nung nagtaka na ako bakit hindi nagfifit-in yung highlighter sa takip, saka ko lang tinignan. Hindi pala sila pair, maling takip pala ang nakuha ko.

Sometimes, we need to look at things. Minsan kasi akala natin sakto pero hindi pala, akala natin okay pero hindi pala, akala natin yun na, pero hindi pala.
















Minsan, okay din pala pag pinagsama-sama ang mga bagay na iba-iba. Gumaganda. Mas kaaya-aya








May mga bagay talagang ginawang hindi pantay. Kasi kung pantay sila, hindi mo na makikita ang kaibahan nila.








Isang piling ng saging, kalahati hilaw pa konti (green), kalahati hinog (yellow) na

We always have a choice. Either to jump into something that's half ripe (meaning hindi pa oras) or wait for it to ripen.



Simple things make me think and sometimes, to the point of over-analyzing.



Biglang end na lang ng post.

sinong masaya?

I woke up this morning from a 10-hour deep and uninterrupted sleep. Much needed! Yey. I ate breakfast with Papang while watching the EDSA celebration.

I am now living in Manila. Two months from now, we will be celebrating (?) our first year in living in this condominium unit. We left our house in Cavite to our relatives. It is better to let them live there rather than leaving the house locked without anyone maintaining it.

For the past 2 years, I've been living with my brother and lola (mom's aunt, lolo's cousin). (Ay mali-mali, living with lola for 2 years and brother coming home just every weekend and vacation) And now, Papang is here with us na. So now, I am living with my brother, lola and lolo. HAHA. ang kulit lang.

23, 24, 73 and 78 living together.

It's just been a week since Papang arrived. He has only left the building once and that one time, he was with my brother and I when we went to Las Pinas.

He arrived here in our unit at around 1:30 or 2am. I immediately showed him the view; telling him that this is UP Manila, this is PGH, that is Manila Bay, that is Manila City Hall, blah blah blah. He was so happy looking down Taft Avenue and the LRT station. When he left, LRT 1 pa lang daw. He started telling stories about how different Manila is now from 1993. And these stories are my everyday excitement now. HAHA. He talked about how it was hard for him to leave me in Manila with my parents. Ang hirap ko daw takasan. He talked about his first trip to Manila just to visit his girlfriend who was then studying in UP Los Banos. He talked about Mamang, that she should've also been living in the US if she had not died in 1991. He talked about politics, history and geography.

I am sure there are a lot of other things that Papang will tell me about. I am excited for everything. I am just so0o0o happy that finally, he is here with me, with us. I am just so thrilled that he does not need to make overseas calls and send text messages anymore just to talk to me. I am just so thankful that at long last, the number 1 man in my life is now here, I can see everyday and is living with us.

I am sure my mother is so0o0o happy also. I bet she feels a whole lot better since she knows that more people will take care of Papang now.

I wonder if I can call myself a lolo's girl since I am not spoiled naman.

I was always saying, "Umalis siya nung maliit pa ako. Pagbalik nya, dalaga na ako." He failed(eeeerrr missed) to see me grow from 6 years old to 24 years old, pero now, he'll have the chance to witness and be a part in everything that will be happening in my life.

Dati, just thinking about Papang makes me cry. Pero ngayon, wala na akong tears, all smiles na.

Salamat Po.

Restriction Enzyme Cleavage

Nalimot na ang lumikha
kumatha
Panahong lumipas
blangko
Ni walang marka ang papel


Nang ang tinta ay maligaw
nangamba ang papel
Ni hindi nya naisip masulatan
Nais niyang panatilihin ang pagkaputi
pagkapayak
pagkalinis
Ngunit
pagkablangko

Kapag ang papel ay sinulatan,
hindi na kayang burahin pa.

Kaya hindi nya na ninais ang marka,
Mas pinili niya ang pag-iisa.


-Penguin sa Palengke

para sa Kanya

and I am reminded by Mike's poem (LCDC friend & Jaja's boyfriend)

HINDI PARA SA ATIN ANG LAHAT NG ITO.

:)

Zzzzzzzzz

Ang hirap bumalik sa pag-aaral!!!!!!!

Whew!

Three years after graduating Biology, here I am rocking my brain with Medicine. It is really hard to bounce back. In those three years, I have not touched any science-related book. Everything's new to me now. It is as if I am just starting college (comparable naman kasi talaga). And now, I am in my 8th month of studying again. I nearly gave-up kanina. It was all because of fear. Being the iyakin that I am, I cried again (haha) but this time, konting-konti lang. I was in great panic because I have lots of deadlines for later: 2 Biochemistry reports, 1 Physiology paper report plus that I have a long exam & a practical exam in Anatomy on Thursday na wala pa akong nababasa kahit isang sentence. Hindi na ako makahinga. Pechay!

It is extra hard for me and more struggle.

When I was all worried, crying and was about to pray, "Might to Save" played in my background. Syempre mas dumami pa ang tears ko. Parang bata!

In three weeks, we can all rest. Not thinking of the grades yet and of passing, all we are looking forward to is the rest, enough sleep and good food.

I hope I can be like others who worry less, cry less and think (?) less.

For today, again, no sleep. Probably the whole class will be sleeping in Biochemistry later since everyone is up until now. 3:43 am.

On a lighter note: Since my lolo came, I've been smiling more. :)

KAYA KO

Had a conversation with my mom last January when she was here. She asked me why am I a vegetarian. I simply answered, "Kasi po kaya ko." HAHA. My reason is so lame but I have no other reason in doing so now. I started not eating chicken, beef and pork last October 2010. Even before then, I already had around 20-25 pounds weight loss. Since I realized that I can live not eating meat, I finally decided to make it official and not eat those, even in small amounts. I ate steamed fish, fruits and vegetables. Last November 2011, I decided to be a lacto-ovo vegetarian, meaning I will also not eat fish. And why again? Because my classmate, Marica, told me about lacto-ovo vegetarianism since she was curious of what kind of vegetarian I am. I was then a Pescetarian (fish-eater) and since I heard the 'lacto-ovo vegetarian' thing, I googled (haha) it and figured out that I can do away with not eating fish also. HAHA. And so, from then on, I lived with boiled tofu, boiled eggs, vegetables and fruits. I eat wheat bread sometimes and I am guilty with eating biscuits (not so healthy food). Also, the last time I drank softdrinks was December 2009.

Last July, Joylinn (a classmate) challenged (haha) me not to eat ice cream. Challenge accepted! HAHA. Up until now, I have not tasted ice cream. BUT had some cups of frozen yogurt last year (which is technically, NOT ICE CREAM). I drink shakes and milk teas. I told myself that come 2012, I will eat ice cream already but I don't know why my "pride" goes in the way saying that, "you lived for 7 months without eating ice cream, you can continue living that way."

Since last month, I have been eating a lot and gained around 6 pounds this early February. My mom summoned me when she came home. She was quite mad because of my lifestyle (lacto-ovo vegetarian eating + 2-4 hours of daily sleep). She thinks that I am already malnourished and at my thinnest state (OA pero may konting katotohanan. HAHA).

Why am I doing all of these? Bakit? Pumayat na ako e. Back then, I just wanted to lose weight. And I did. I am around 30 pounds of weight loss already.

BAKIT?


My only reason is because KAYA KO. As simple as it is, because kaya ko.

I sort-of hate this attitude of me but then I continue, because again, kaya ko.

Yay.

WHO'S HAPPY?

My Papang, my lolo, my number 1 man is finally home.
I AM SOo0o0o0o HAPPY.
THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS GIFT!

I did not cry when he arrived. We just hugged so tight. Yey.
I will forever be Papang Johnny's little Marratot/Matot.

ANG SAYA, BIBLIYA.

I am just so happy that I got back to reading the Bible again.

Last year, when I was baptized, I decided to start reading the Bible. I bought the recovery version in Church in Manila. Since it is a recovery version, it only contains the New Testament. They had the complete set with the old testament but it was so big and I didn't have enough money to buy that when I went there. Here's how the recovery version looks like.


Nagfade na yung nakalagay na New Testament. Available in black din.

The Recovery Version has footnotes kaya helpful pag may hindi ako alam or hindi ko magets agad na words.

Of course I started with Matthew but just read until John then I stopped. Tinamad yata.

Then my bestfriend, Paul, told me to attend the LCDC Camp. Yes, inutusan akong umattend. HAHA. Day before the start of the camp, October 19, I was worried since I didn't have a bible with the old testament. I went to PCBS (Philippine Christian Bookstore) beside Adamson University since I live near that area. I bought the least expensive bible (ang panget kasi pag "CHEAPEST" though it is true naman. HAHA). It is the NIV Version.

My NIV Bible. Jessica's (LCDC friend) shot from Allan's (PLM friend) camera.

In the camp, we had a Bible Study Workshop. I was in Justin-Erin's (LCDC friends) group. Syempre, they taught us how to read the bible.

After the camp, I started reading my bible from Genesis and stopped sa Leviticus because I got bored. BOO ME!

In November, IE (LCDC friend) shared a bible reading plan, the Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan. I was very happy kasi finally, may masusundan na ako on how to read the bible since I really did not know how (where to start talaga, if sunud-sunod or what). I was very good in following the plan from November until December. However, when 2012 came, BOOM!, wala na! Nilunod na ako ng aking medical books. I was drowned by Guyton, Berne, Harper, Snell, Junquira at marami pang iba. Natabunan ang aking bibliya.

Though syempre we have our Morning Revival everyday, we should continuously feed ourselves and our spirit with the Lord's Words. Continuous dispensing is what we really need. Morning Revival is a booklet containing 6 weeks of God's words. Parang daily devotion. So every after 6 weeks, papalitan na naman ng ibang booklet.

Here's a picture of our MR.


And yes, I stopped reading the bible last January 10 yata. Just two nights ago, I decided to continue reading again. I will still be using the Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan pero tatapusin ko muna yung mga namiss ko. So this time I am reading Matthew, I will finish first what is due for February (hopefully all parts due for the four books) and probably get back to the normal reading plan on March 1.

I really feel the excitement sa pagbabasa ng bibliya this time. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. Basta naeexcite ako pag bible reading time ko na. Though parang now, naisisingit ko lang yun sa aking pag-aaral, I hope I can continue with this. I hope I can keep up. I can honestly say na kakaibang saya ang naidudulot nito sa akin.

Thank You Lord.

Also, Jaja (LCDC friend) gave me this book when we met-up 2 or 3 Saturdays ago.

I read this with my MR every morning.

Haaaaayy.. I am just soo0o0o0 happy. Wala kasi ako mapagsabihan ng aking kasiyahan. HAHA.

I sincerely pray that I will be faithful to my bible reading everyday. It has been a struggle eversince. Pero we all have to be overcomers. We should not be slaves of medical books, sleep, food, friends, television, facebook, laziness or whatever pa. I feel na I will still be lazy at times, pero OVERCOMING nga ang kailangan so I am confident that I can fight the laziness. HAHA.

Sa bakasyon, most probably, my bible reading time will increase na.


Yey. Yey. Yey.

Ang saya. :D

KAYA!

Isang buwan na lang. Ngayon pa ba ako bibigay?! I've waited long enough to be here. I've been struggling since Day 1 but He has continuously and without a doubt sustained me. I cannot give-up on myself because He never gave up on me. I cannot stop believing in myself because He has never stopped believing in me. For in Him that I draw strength. For in Him that I cast my fears, doubts and apprehensions. For this life should be lived for Him and not for me.

For whatever it is that I can do, whatever it is that I will do, may it all be, genuinely for Him and not for myself.

BAKIT?

on my way to school yesterday morning, i overheard a conversation of a woman with her friend on the phone. i was sleeping in the jeep when she called her friend and started their conversation. i can't help but hear the whole story.

it was like, may asawa siya pero hiwalay na sila. they both are enjoying their lives separately when the 'other woman' talked to her thru facebook and started telling her things that got her angry. the wife (yung katabi ko sa jeep) was really very angry to the point na mura na siya ng mura and she even told her friend (on the phone), "babalikan ko si (name of the husband) kahit hindi ko na siya mahal para lang gantihan yung babae (kabit). PI (mura) nya. nananahimik ako, hindi ko na sila pinapakealaman pero ginanito nya ako. Pupuntahan ko sila sa bahay nila, sa mga magulang nya para maiskandalo siya sa kanila. Yung nanay nya, may sakit sa puso, pag nalaman ng nanay nya yun, siya pa may kasalanan pag namatay."

i heard everything. syempre katabi ko siya e. when i was hearing all these, on my mind, i prayed for the girl. i prayed that the Lord may give her peace and that her heart have the healing it needs. hindi ko lang kasi maintindihan kung bakit kailangan ganito. i can't understand why she'll even think of getting back with her husband just to have revenge on the mistress. she's even happy thinking na malalaman ng family nung girl yung pagiging kabit ni girl and that she'll (mistress) be the reason for the mother's death.

HINDI KO MAINTINDIHAN!!! I know hindi ko kailangan intindihin, pero kasiiii. Bakit ganun?

Ang root kasi ng ganitong mga problema is that MEN CAN'T BE FAITHFUL.

I can't understand why men can't be loyal to their wives. It was in a Physiology lecture that men are by nature polygamous. WHATEVER! I still can't understand! I am not getting so emotional here.I am more of naiirita. If men can't be faithful to his wife, why marry her? Why offer a lifetime relationship with her? Why promise her unconditional love? WHY?

Nakakainit ng ulo.

HAHA.

a call and a hug

it is when random hug matters.

i was sad this afternoon. i prayed silently and called the name of the Lord for a few minutes. i decided to call my bestfriend paul. i have two bestfriends, chescka and paul. since paul is also a medical student, i opted to call him since he'll be able to understand and relate more to my rants and the cause of my sadness. i slightly felt like a loser because i only have paul and chescka to call when i am sad. and so i called paul. when he answered, i shot-gunned him and talked to him as if i was a gradeschool student bullied by an exam. haha. my tears can't help but fall. yay. after making sumbong, i dropped the call and he continued studying. this was outside the laboratory.

inside the room, my classmate marica suddenly went up to me. she was like, "Ate Marra, pa-hug." i was surprised but i gave her a very tight hug anyway. i asked her why did she suddenly needed my hug. she told me that she had no reason and that she just felt like it. she does not normally hug me, it was even the first time. but then, the hug made me feel a whole lot better. i thanked her for the unexpected hug. i told her that i needed the hug. ang galing nga naman. when i was all sad, suddenly, someone gave me an unintentional hug which made me feel better. simple as it is, it made me really better. she thanked me also, ang sarap daw ng hug ko or ang sarap ko daw ihug.

i really can't remember what happened first (calling paul or hugging marica). that's how lutang i was.

i got home. i ate pesto which i (usually) normally enjoy but this time i didn't. i drank milk tea which too, i (usually) normally enjoy but this time i didn't. because of the call and the hug, i felt a little better. i thought that the pesto and milk tea would do their share to make me feel good, pero ang fail lang!. haha.

i just slept after. probably sleep was what i really needed.
i woke up after 2 hours and now, need to get back to reading guyton again.

break ends here.

ang blog

just when a (new) friend Jaja told me to start blogging again and I told her ayaw ko kasi nakakaumay(pagkain? HAHA) ang blog ko kasi puro rants and parang diary entries, I started blogging na. HAHA. how ironic.

my first blog post of the year was last january 4 which was made june 26, 2010 pa but was not posted. and from then, i started typing again. parang therapy sa kalungkutan. parang reliever sa stress. parang absorber sa schock. parang tagapakinig sa kasiyahan.

and i read my old posts. natuwa ako, nalungkot ako. kung anu-ano na pala ang nangyari. i read my multiply posts nung college, sayang wala na yung friendster ko. i had more posts there.

i used to write in notebooks when i was younger, but now, typing is more convenient. HAHA. and if ever the time comes that blogspot and multiply will have to delete old blogs, hindi ako malulungkot. it will be just like letting go of an old memory.

admittedly, i am a person of the past. lahat naaalala ko. events, people, dates. kaya i am having a hard time moving forward.

pero nang nakilala ko na si Lord, He reminded me of letting go of whatever it is from the past and not doubting whatever it will be in the future. continuous process pa rin ito for me, everyday battle. minsan, ayaw ko na lang mag-isip. kung pwede lang hindi gamitin ang isip. HAHA.

this post is all jumbled up. not making any sense. ok lang, this is a rant page anyway.

blogs are to be filled of whatever things the owner wants.

kung walang mapagsabihan, kung walang pader na masigawan, kung walang ice cream na mabili, kung walang unan na mayakap, kung walang sulok na maiyakan, kung walang lugar na matalunan, kung walang lalagyang mapagsidlan, try mo magblog. HAHA.

kaperahan

nag-aayos ako ng lalagyan ng pera nang makita ko ang mga ito. folded and neatly (nye) placed at the back of my graduation picture.

ayaw ko ng pera na sobrang bago. masakit kasi sa akin na gastusin yun. i really get sad. that's weird of me. what's more weird is that if i have a new money, i ask a friend to crumple it for me. HAHA.

anyway, i saw these (which are mga pinakatago-tago):


my first ever UST 400years Php 200 bill. Since I am a Thomasian, syempre tuwang-tuwa ako when I first had this though crumpled yung money (lumang-luma). Nevertheless, ako'y natuwa pa rin.


when I saw the UP Law, natuwa na naman ako and decided to keep the money. it was cool (for me)

and then i saw this


may Ateneo din pala at pareho silang kay Manuel Roxas. Ok fine, I kept the Ateneo Php 100 bill also.


three schools. i wonder if la salle has one also. HAHA


and then i had my first of these (the new Philippine Peso bills)


can't remember the exact dates when i had each one. yung Php 500 is from Jess (friend from LCDC) yesterday na ayaw pa ibigay sa akin ni Jaja (friend from LCDC also).

Sabi ng kapatid ko, why am I collecting the new ones daw e since they are new, meaning yun na yung gagamitin talaga natin na bill. I should collect the old Philippine Peso bills daw kasi yun ang paubos na. Tama naman siya. HAHA. With these money in my lalagyan, I have an old Manuel Quezon and Sergio Osmena naman e. Wala na nga lang akong Emilio Aguinaldo and Apolinario Mabini.

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

I always keep things which are for some, hindi importante or walang sense. Sabi ng nanay ko, para daw akong matanda. There are more abubots (kung anu-ano) I have at home (sa totoong bahay sa Cavite), leaving them there and moving away from the abubots is freeing myself from memories (good or bad), events, people and whatever. HAHA. These kaperahan are part of the abubots na.

Ok. aral na ulit.

-----o-----

Just remembered a conversation with Trish, a classmate from college.

She asked me to choose between "having my father settle peacefully with one (new) family of his own (regardless of how many families he's built already)or having him continue womanizing, changing women every now and then". I chose the first one. Trish chose the second.

She explained to me that if ever that really happened to their family, she wants her father to be miserable, not to find peace in himself with a new family. She wanted him to continue living his "feeling-single-forever" life and get as many girlfriends or wives as he can without even settling with one.

I chose the first. Regardless if this really happened to me or not, I will still choose that the father would finally settle in one family and be merry with his (new) wife and kid(s). Breaking a family (and a relationship with your wife) is as it is worst already. I think starting a new life with a new family and stopping himself from all vanity, adultery, lust and even more other sins is better than continuing his "so-called lifestyle of womanizing". It's like giving him another chance. It may not be with his first family but it really does not matter anymore. Probably, I really would have wanted him to find peace in himself. Probably I do not want more kids to suffer from their parents' broken relationship.

I sincerely wished that for him since then, even when I was still so young. However, until now, it is very disappointing that he fails to find that peace. In this little girls heart, I sincerely wish for him to find it in himself to change. Probably it (still) saddens me that he is miserable.

-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----o-----

buntong-hininga.