random drama

i only have 1 month to fix my grades or else i'm dead.

these past few weeks, i've been thinking of the reason why i went back to studying. i graduated in 2008 and had already given up the thought of entering medical school. i got a job in a hotel and then transferred to another job in a resort which pays good. ok na ako e, maganda na ang trabaho ko, maayos naman ang buhay ko. but then, why in the world did i come back to studying and to top it up, i chose medicine pa. pinahirapan ko lang at ginulo ko ang buhay ko. haha. :P

medicine was a surprise given to me by the Lord. imagine, after 3 long years, who would have known that i would really become a medical student and eventually be a doctor. ang amazing ni Lord. truly, He gives the desires of our hearts in His perfect time.

going back to school from 3 years of no contact with any science book (or anything academic) was really hard for me. lots of adjustments to do until now. since the school year started,i've been struggling in school. i do not know if i am just really inferior to my classmates or i am just overwhelmed of everything in medicine. three shiftings have passed. i have subjects na delikado. and i am really afraid. i never failed any subject in college, my course was biology. pero kasi, medicine is different. napakahirap. nakakabaliw.

i have the whole february to fix my grades. i have the first three weeks of march for shifting exams and final exams. i really do not know if i'll still be alive by then. nakakapit pa din ako. still studying hard, still pushing harder. pero kahit anong gawin ko, bakit parang kulang pa rin? am i really not bright enough to get through this first year of medicine? adding to this downhill is my attitude. i am forever feeling inferior of myself. no matter what i do,i just can't believe in me. i've prayed, i've cried, i've tried thinking of positive things but then it's like there's an autoformat and default function to negativity. with this, i feel that i am lacking the Spirit. feeling this, i know that i am staying in the flesh. instead of continuing to look down on myself, feeling all worthless, i should seek Him first.

ang dami kong takot.
ang dami kong pag-aalala.
ang dami kong hindi masabing pangamba.
ang dami kong iniisip na hindi ko kaya.

my bestfriend paul told me na i am like this because i am building a wall to things.

haaaayy.


what i always remember is that, the Lord has placed me here. He wouldn't have given me this if it was not for me.


pechay. napakadrama ko talagang tao. nakakaumay ako.


naalala ko lang yung kanta sa isang recovery study group meeting namin sa church.

Go on, go on, go on in the Lord.
Be strengthened, go on in the Lord.
Your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
You must go on, go on in the Lord.

Trials may come and discouragements, too.
You must go on, go on in the Lord.
Yesterday's gone and His mercies are new.
You must go on, go on in the Lord.

Press on, press on, press on in the Lord.
Be strengthened, press on in the Lord.
Your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
You must press on, press on in the Lord.

To worry is vain—He will care for Your needs.
You must go on, go on in the Lord.
Tomorrow's not here and it never may be.
You must go on, go on in the Lord.

Sail on, sail on, sail on in the Lord.
Be strengthened, sail on in the Lord.
Your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
You must sail on, sail on in the Lord.

You must sail on, sail on,
Press on, press on,
You must go on, and on in the Lord.

sabi ni Lord, go on lang marra. Do not look at the past, do not care first of the future, just go on.

nagspeak na si Lord sa akin. it is now up to me to live in this ka-negative-an ko or to go on in life with the Lord.

ang weird ko talaga. ang saya ko lang kanina blogging about my lolo and happy with the Gross Anatomy shifting exams and then nag-eemote na naman ako dito. ako lang kaya ang babaeng ganito? haha. pechay.

break ends here. mag-aral na ulet.

Pechay!