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I often look at the possibility of working away from home. It may be abroad or provincial. I saw some openings for other countries but I havent done anything to apply. Presently, I am working in Crimson Resort & Spa, Mactan which is located in Cebu but then I am based in Makati together with the Sales Team. I originally wanted to work in Cebu even though I dont have anyone I know there apart from the people working in our resort. I know that if in case I pushed through with what I wanted before, I may have been working in our site now.

But then, why can't I move away? Why can't I start applying for work outside Manila or Makati or Alabang. Why can't I start moving away?


Why?


And I got my answer.

I can not leave home because I don't have someone whom I'll leave all my responsibilities to if I go. Mom has been working abroad since June 2007. She left for Cambodia, and now, she's working in Vietnam. And just early this year, she renewed her contract for 2 more years.

Therefore, the ones left at home were me, my brother (who's in college and is living in an apartment near school; he only comes home during weekends and vacation period) and lola (who is 72 years old and who started living with us just last November 2009). If I were to go and work somewhere far from home, who will do the things that I am doing right now? Who will handle our allowance? Who will go out and pay the bills early or on time. If my brother will do that, I am sure that all bills will be paid after the due date, always will be late. Lola cant do that either since she's new in Cavite and can't find her way through our place. She knows Parañaque and a bit of Las Piñas but with Cavite, I doubt.

I know I can't be at peace knowing that I will have to leave those simple things. Actually, whenever I go on an overnight in a friend's house, I often can't sleep and always thinks about how the house have been, if the dogs and cats have eaten already, if the doors were locked and if the gas wass turned-off. I feel uneasy at times whenever I don't sleep there (except when I sleep in my relative's house, then I feel fine).

I guess I am so attached with the responsibilities at home.
It is not a burden.
I enjoy it and its a part of my everyday life.

And so, to the plans of working far away, I guess that will have to wait for 2 more years when Mom is based in the Philippines already (just in case she doesn't renew again or find another country to work at).

I remember Jeje (my classmate in highschool) said: Marra, para kang nanay.
He meant that the care I show to people and to things, is like a care from a mother.
Oh well, I guess I am really like that.


Marra
Thanks.
Love and Peace.